hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Randomize
