I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Randomize
