i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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