its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
