She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
last night I used snow as a chaser
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
