Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
