And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
