I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
