vagina is talking i cant
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
cat food counts as protein by the way
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
