I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
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