and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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