not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
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