Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Randomize
