I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Randomize
