And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Randomize
