i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Randomize
