I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
