Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
