The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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