dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize