Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
