It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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