remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize