OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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