i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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