I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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