This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
