Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
