This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Drunk is a universal language darling
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