it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
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