between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
