i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Randomize
