you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize