Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
