Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize