I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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