he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
