Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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