And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
