so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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