I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize