Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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