I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
