my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
