I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
It's official drugs can't kill me
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Randomize
