I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
