That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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