A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Randomize
