i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
