i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Randomize
