Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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