sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
