Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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