she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
