Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
