Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Randomize
