we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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