i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I can't put those talents on a resume
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Randomize
