just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
