I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Randomize
