this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
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