So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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