just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
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