who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
