Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
