he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
