is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize
