it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
