i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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