i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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