Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize