my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Randomize