if you like me you must not know who I am
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
He did a backflip because drugs
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
