dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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