Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Randomize
