OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Randomize