I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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