I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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