When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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